2020 Update

I was contemplating where to launch one of my most recent projects (always a project going) and I revisited my blog here.  I am bewildered at the realization that it has been 11 years since I began this blog!  Yes, in 2009. I still can't believe it. What have I been doing all this time? Certainly not blogging. In 2019 I don't think I actually posted a single post. But the motivations behind this blog are truly worth the time, so here is an update. 1. My kids are old. Our sweet H is a teenager. As in full blown teenager. The other night after she left our room upset because it was too late for her to shower in our bathroom (she hates using the bathroom where all the boys pee. It's a valid thing) she stormed out after giving me a mouthful. My husband and I both kinda sat there with no response. All I could say was "Never would've seen that coming when she was 3 and the sweetest thing alive". And yet here we are. She's still incredibly sweet but so sassy and determined. Maybe that will pay off later.

 Budge is almost a teenager and man that kid has a sharp tongue. It's almost like we have official debates about things when he is in trouble. Everything is debatable. Even when it's not. He also has such a big heart. He's also incredibly sincere in his desires to do good. He got the priesthood (which in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) is a pretty big deal. It means you can stand in God's place to serve others with his specific power and authority. You are able to pass the sacrament to congregation members and participate in temple baptism services. He's trying really hard to remain worthy to use his priesthood power. 

 Limmer is as tall as Budge. Really. People ask me all the time if they're twins. I suppose that's good natured enough (though they'd have to be fraternal twins where they look so different).  He's is hilarious these days. I am really enjoying the older kid stage sense of humor. He catches subtle social injustices and calls them out hilariously. I love it. He is still stubborn and a hard worker. It's tough being 21 months younger than your twin, but he holds his own most of the time. He also tells me that I don't pay attention to disciplining so he tries to instead. Thanks for that.  I tried to explain that parents pick their battles but I think he only thought that makes me a terrible parent. Oh well, he'll get it in the future. Right now we're coaching his basketball team and holy cow. If you've never volunteered to coach a city league team, it's time you repay your debt to society. I never knew what it requires. Our boys are wonderful, but I'm certainly no professional. I spend way too much time on youtube researching drills and asking ridiculous questions like 'how do I get our basketball team to have more unity?'. I feel all kinds of pressure to teach them the best way to play, but I have always played informally. I was trying to help them be a bit more aggressive in getting the rebound and accidentally taught them to foul. Good thing that my hubbin is the assistant coach (why won't the city recognize he's the assistant and I'm the coach? He doesn't have time to be the coach yet everything has his name on it). He actually understands all the rules and reteaches the boys when he's able to attend. I love that man. He lets me lead out on everything and just corrects and reteaches without throwing me under the bus. I usually get it and acknowledge that I accidentally taught them wrong. Those poor boys are improving a LOT and I'm so proud of them.

 On to O. He's doing so well in so many areas. He doesn't enjoy reading (or won't admit it) but is like 3 grades ahead in his skills. He struggles with a lot of random anxieties that we're trying to help him with. Our pediatrician recommended this online program called Turnaround Anxiety and it has been a LIFESAVER. It's like he's found his people and feels finally understood. I'm learning so much as I listen and do the journals with him. I had no idea he struggled so much with fears about school and being alone. But he's coming along and I'm proud of his efforts. He's in Karate and doesn't want to go before each and every class, but still goes and comes back being so much happier. He still screams shrilly and calls everyone names (though not in public, thank you O) but he also is saying 'I love you' much more to his brothers and sister. And he's super brave, he just doesn't realize it yet. But he is! He does things that adults with his fears would never attempt. He's coming right along. 

 JamesieBamesie is still a sweetheart. He loves preschool and being with friends (even the neighbors landscapers are his friends: he's so friendly, but has no inhibitions). He struggles with jealousy over my lap and feeding himself. I never thought that I would have a four year old who still waits for me to feed him each bite. The ugly truth is I did it to myself. He's doing great on the independence front, though he's just wrestling with 'how do I be a toddler while still being a big kid' things. He enjoys parts of both (we've helped him to stop sucking his thumb 3 times now...) yet is so ready to move on. I've been wondering if he's ready for full time Kindergarten or just half day. He is so dang cute. He told his grandma the other day with all sincerity: "Grandma if Grandpa tells you what to do, just stay 'You don't tell me what to do, Ok?" We all had a good laugh at that except grandpa. He adores his grandpas, though and wants nothing more than to just be with them. He loves his Grandmas as well. I love that he's a total mommas boy, and snuggles me at every turn, but we've got to get him appreciating his amazing dad a bit more. 

 I am trying to be on a diet with Juicy, and she has discipline of steel. I'm doing well, but I have a major addiction to sugar. I'd almost rather have my sugar, but I love how it feels to be healthy too. So I have clean meals and exercise daily and still eat chocolate at night. It works (slowly, but still). I have all these big plans to become a seminary teacher, which I have always wanted to do, but I need to make sure my kiddos are taken care of first. I am reading a book called 'Being Mortal' by A Gawande, and it's making me want to be the recreation specialist at an old folks home for the improvement needed and the satisfaction of seeing so many lives get better, but I don't think that's my calling just now. 

 My hubbin is amazing as usual. He works his tail off and still makes time for the kids and I. He seems happy and though stressed, he's managing it better than before. Or maybe it's not the same kind of stress. I'm not sure. Either way, I'm proud of him for what he's accomplishing at work (he's really made some great innovations for his company) and I love him for his dedication to us. He loves the good and right and I am so thankful he makes such great efforts for good with each of our kids and in his church assignments. 

 We got a replacement x-box (for our 15 year old one) and he's enjoying gaming again. I think it actually reduces his stress, though I get all tight about any shooting games in front of the kids so they're usually good puzzle and fun games. It's funny the things we care about. I can't abide our kids playing shooter games, and he can't abide them watching movies that say OMG too many times. Maybe both will just help to create something never before seen in society. It's kind of funny but I feel like I should be writing about who I consider the last member of our family, God. Yet it's not really common or maybe even taboo to talk about the experiences we've had with him in this long time. Yet His influence is such a big deal in our home that it feels funny NOT talking about it. So forgive me, but here I go.

 We've been studying this family manual since last year about the scriptures. It breaks the bible and Book of Mormon into chunks and then assigns you parts to read and gets you asking questions about each part. It is such a great guide because it's not shoving doctrine down our throats, yet it creates a space to appreciate parts of the Savior's life that were recorded intentionally by people who loved him and represented him. It's called 'Come, Follow Me' and I really like it. I find myself (and our family) having a lot more conversation about why different commandments are important and how they've affected our lives. I find myself bearing testimony more often to my children of the reasons I know Jesus lives. And in my prayers I've found that I feel less inclined to drone on about meaningless things, because God is becoming more of my interaction and I know he already knows the deets, and I can talk to Him about how I view things. The kicker is that I feel like he's responding to me. Sometimes just in acknowledgement, and sometimes in pretty blatant inspiration, like if a friend were to give their input. More importantly, I feel answers to my questions and that is very faith strengthening. So often we've gone ahead with what we know is right, because it's right and we 'must be doing this for some reason'. And then when the Creator gives his bit of input in my prayers it's kinda like 'woah, I knew you were real, but I just didn't know you were real'. Does that make sense? At any rate, I've loved the new familiarity that I've found in the scriptures with help from that manual and modern day prophets and leaders (especially Sharon Eubank- I've loved her insights). 

 So there is my update, in all of it's deeply personal and messy glory. I certainly recognize my imperfections and if you feel that you need to draw my attention to some, I get that. I generally benefit from input from those who care about me, so if you do, you're welcome to leave it. I truly hope this post finds you well! Love, Becky