Brain Surgery part 2

For Part one, follow this link

True to form, as I have done several times, I only spoke in Spanish after my brain surgery.  Not that I can even remember these conversations, but everyone else does.  Don't ask me what that's about.  I have no idea.

I clearly remembered my anesthesiologist name, who was the last person I had seen before surgery and had a crazy long name.  Like Dufenbergershlick.  I don't remember speaking Spanish, but I do remember the very surprised face of the anesthesiologist and hearing the assistant say, "wow, she remembered your name".

And almost as if I had perfectly orchestrated a joke, I scared a poor CNA to death.  I had a pre-op nurse named Elizabeth, whose name I also remembered after surgery.  As the post-op nurses (totally new to me) were wheeling me to the neural intensive care unit (NICU), I began asking (in Spanish) for Elizabeth.  "Things would be a lot better if I could just get a little water," I said to her.  But everyone was too stunned to answer.  The CNA, who happened to be the only one there who spoke Spanish, was also named Elizabeth.  She thought I knew who she was, or maybe had some kind of ESP.

A couple of hours into recovery, she reluctantly peeked into our room to ask if  I knew her.  I said no, wondering if I should.  She explained the whole thing to me and confessed it freaked her out a little.  Poor lady!

The neurosurgery residents came by and assessed my responses to toe-poking, finger counting, and speech recollection.  My results were good, and it appeared that the surrounding areas of my brain were unharmed by the surgery.  My blood work was promising and my Doctor said that all was going well and we could be released in as soon as 3 days.

My sweet husband was so kind and attentive, and a natural at unplugging the monitors and machines every time I had to get out of bed to go to the bathroom.  He stayed near through my long naps and my first bites of Jello.  He even got our 3 kids, who were staying with my amazing in-laws on face time.  I wasn't sure that I wanted the kids to be upset by how I looked, but I tentatively talked to them.  Unfortunately, the screen froze on the faces of my sweet kiddos right as they took in what Mommy looked like, and they looked so scared by me that I couldn't help busting into tears and losing it.  I wasn't sure I was ok, so Dan turned off the video and we finished on the phone.

Avoiding the Anxiety Sucker Punch

First, some background: I have struggled with anxiety since 2011, when I underwent brain surgery and had a really difficult time healing.  The process was long and I found my anxiety impeded my ability to gauge what was real and what was not (health wise).  It's a very tricky thing, anxiety.  It consumes your ability to evaluate your sense of self, and it can be emotionally rending.

I sought help and found it (thankfully - life became overwhelmingly hard with anxiety).  I found a wonderful counselor that helped me to re-think anxiety and taught me how to cope.  I saw my doctor, who helped me with medications and directed me towards many of the suggestions I include below.  I was open about how I struggled - with my husband and other family members who loved me regardless.  I learned to depend upon God in ways I never had before, and He helped me in tangible ways.

With all that help, I'm much healthier and happier now.  I still struggle with anxiety, but on the whole am as happy as ever.  It does get better with time and effort.

Avoiding the Anxiety Sucker Punch