Delusions of Grandeur

I've been pretty occupied as of late.  If not by all of the canning (peaches, pears, apricots, plum jams, raspberry jams, and even more, all fruit given to us by different friends -we're so thankful for that!) then by the PTA and craft projects and doing things for church.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining - I'd rather be crazy busy than without things to do.  But somehow in the mix of it all, I've not seen a headlong problem that was staring me in the face.

That problem is my tendency to get worked up and angry and yell at my kids.  And once they've not heard me, or ignored me or been disrespectful until the 'last straw', I stay that way all the day long.  I wish I could say that my anger was fleeting, or harmless in the long run.  But the truth is they're good kids, and we're seeing signs in them that say they're acting out and suffering because of it. (stab in the heart)

I'm learning that my anger is never because of them.  It's because of me and my own failure to reign my feelings in.  What's more, I'm learning is that anger is a secondary emotion, meaning that there is another, more deeply rooted emotion under the surface of my anger that is the real thing I'm worried/upset about.  That is so very true when I think of what I do.  It's usually the thought that my kid is going to grow up to be disrespectful, rebellious, and messed up that gets me firing and demanding obedience.

I'm finding there are better ways to teach and to support good decisions.  And anger is contrary to almost all progress in those arenas.