May 12, 2014

on Mothers day

When we were first married, my hubby and I thought that once we were ready to have kids, we would! Things would then continue according to our plans.  When that didn't happen, we woke up to the fact that we have much less control over our lives than we thought.  Now we enjoy being parents to 4 rascally kids.  They are a handful, and wear us out every single day.  I wouldn't trade them for anything.

I want to be sensitive to those who would love to have kids, and can't.  The weight of wanting to have children and not being able to is crushing.  I don't think that it is a punishment from God, nor do I think that somehow one doesn't 'deserve' kids.  In fact, I know parents who are unfit from the beginning, who can't or won't take care of their kids such that they have to be taken from them.  So how could Heaven be holding back children to a family that would love them?

I suppose there are more factors at work than we can tell.  I trust that the point of our lives here is to learn to live by faith, that God has our best interest in mind and operates to our benefit.  That means we become better people because we struggle with what we want, or what we have.  I wish it could be without suffering, and that those who struggle with infertility didn't have the long years of wondering and pain.  But I also know that if the only perfect being ever to grace this earth had to suffer, then we are bound for it.

But there is so much to enjoy along the way.  Especially because mothering so often happens without the designation of being a mother.  I can't tell you how many times (especially being involved in our church) my husband and I have had the chance to influence another child/teenager for the good. Hopefully we did!

Mothering, then is the most important job I can think of for a woman.  Loving and guiding your kids or the kids of another mom has rewards like no other because your investment goes into building souls, with a future, and who will depend upon what you teach to move forward in life.

Especially on Mother's Day I want to say that I am so thankful for the moms in my life.  Both for my own mothers and for the phenomenal mothers that I learn from as peers.  I'm so thankful for intentional parenting that I've seen in and out of my faith.

My mom taught me the value of loving quietly.  She loved us every morning as she made our sack lunches and packed veggies that she knew we'd try to throw away.  She loved us when we came to her with broken hearts in high school, and soothed our fears about the friends we did or didn't have.  Without trying to muscle her way into our lives, she made friends with our friends' parents because they were important in our lives.  She warmed us up over and over again with creamy hot chocolate after playing in the snow.  She went to girls camp with us, and supported us in our interests.  She loved us in the wings as we grew independent and decided what we wanted for our futures. She loved me as she allowed me to deliberate out loud about which college to attend, and then make a decision.  She gives me plenty of room to vent and plenty of reasons to keep at it, and I trust her.  She has always been my support, while still allowing me to take flight.  I love her.

I also have a step mom who has taught me the value of being true to yourself and working through it.  She pushed herself through degrees and a masters when she was twice the age of other students. Then she decided to begin her own practice, (which she poured her whole self into).  It took it's first breath and has only grown.  She has had unreal and terrible things fall upon her and has remained with her heart faithful to God and family, and hasn't flinched at the future.  I think she's wise, and sassy and I love her.

My third mom is my mother in law, who has been there for all of us in action and in counsel as steady as the day is long. She knows how to lead with a gentle hand, and how to love (especially the grandkids) with her heart, her willingness and her time.  And she knows the value of spending time together.  She also knows how to coax a kid to do right with a small sweet treat.  She has taught me how to have fun in simple ways with my family, and how to appreciate closeness.  And she's funny.  I love her.

Thank you to all the women who have taught me mother the kids in my life!  
We love you and Happy Mother's Day!

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