September 19, 2014

Delusions of Grandeur

I've been pretty occupied as of late.  If not by all of the canning (peaches, pears, apricots, plum jams, raspberry jams, and even more, all fruit given to us by different friends -we're so thankful for that!) then by the PTA and craft projects and doing things for church.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining - I'd rather be crazy busy than without things to do.  But somehow in the mix of it all, I've not seen a headlong problem that was staring me in the face.

That problem is my tendency to get worked up and angry and yell at my kids.  And once they've not heard me, or ignored me or been disrespectful until the 'last straw', I stay that way all the day long.  I wish I could say that my anger was fleeting, or harmless in the long run.  But the truth is they're good kids, and we're seeing signs in them that say they're acting out and suffering because of it. (stab in the heart)

I'm learning that my anger is never because of them.  It's because of me and my own failure to reign my feelings in.  What's more, I'm learning is that anger is a secondary emotion, meaning that there is another, more deeply rooted emotion under the surface of my anger that is the real thing I'm worried/upset about.  That is so very true when I think of what I do.  It's usually the thought that my kid is going to grow up to be disrespectful, rebellious, and messed up that gets me firing and demanding obedience.

I'm finding there are better ways to teach and to support good decisions.  And anger is contrary to almost all progress in those arenas.

Where am I finding this stuff?  It has amazing helps for angry parents.  And I'm so grateful for them.  And the scriptures.  There's plenty there on being slow to anger.

So here I am, realizing these ugly things about myself and seeing that I am just as messed up as any other parent out there.  I write these articles here on my blog, and brainstorm ideas for what would be most helpful to other parents while I myself need so much improvement.  

It's such a strong piece of humble pie that I can't help but admit it here.  Because I don't want visitors coming away with the idea that I see myself in some holy light.  For me it's easy to get all the balls juggling in the air, and just consider the other aspects of my life as 'successful' if those balls don't drop.  The pta, the projects, this blog and really any effort isn't important if my family and I aren't improved by them.  I'm forever learning and re-learning this.  Sheesh.  Talk about learning by repetition.

So, I apologize for the sporadic posting, and for the crafts that are strewn uncompleted across my craft desk.  I love to blog and I love the small audience that reads this one.  Those things will come.
Happy parenting, and wish me well.

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